Monday, March 23, 2009

Fear of commitment.. ???

What is this innate need we feel within ourselves to find someone better? From where does it arise? When do we put an end to this feeling? Can we put an end to this feeling? If yes, should it be suppressed or satiated? If satiated, wont we always find someone better than the person we are with? If suppressed, aren't we being dishonest to the person we enter into a commitment with? If both alternatives seem to be taking us down a slippery slope, which one do we choose? Which one is the lesser of two evils? Is there a  non-evil if we don't want to make that choice? 

I may be stepping into shoes much larger than mine here but I think I can fill them or at least hope to. "Fear of commitment". I have so often come across this phrase being used left right and center by people and often find it to be one of the major factors causing people to end what could have been beautiful relationships. A pseudo-fear, i call it. Many have told me that they are happy with their current partner but feel that the more they see the world the better a person they will find for their partner. This belief engenders a certain sense of insecurity within them. By insecurity I mean the lack of confidence in being able to be committed to that one person for their WHOLE LIFE. While the fact that we will find better people the more we tread out in the world, what is false is the fear that because of this we cannot commit to a person.

Without beating around the bush anymore, i will come straight to the point now. We will always, as a matter of a rule without exceptions, find people better than the one we are with, ALWAYS. The point is we don't realise that sometimes you don't need something better even if it exists right in front of your eyes. You just don't need it. Life can be lived in a fleeting moment or through painstaking eons. Discontentment shall make you live eons and contentment a fleeting moment. This does not imply you marry the first person you meet. What it does mean is that if you truly connect with someone and are compatible with them, you should not bring in this FEAR of COMMITMENT as  you feel you can find someone better. The question you should answer really is, "Can I lead a happy and contend life with this person? Can I love him/her all my life for what he/she is?". If you are to further get into the probabilities of that mysterious someone who will be out there somewhere, you shall never stop your quest and hence will be left desolate one day. 

Relationships are Hard. No exceptions there. You have to live them and fulfill them. Successful relationships are blissful and give a sense of fulfillment and at the end of the day, all you will have with you is not a memory of the thorns but the flowers you found. Unsuccessful ones only leave behind scars.It is a small world, but life is even shorter. Live it with a sense of fulfillment instead of a desire to only find the best.Remember, "There is always someone stronger, someone richer, someone brainier, someone more beautiful, someone better than someone else in everything". In profession content is greatest adversary of success; In relationships it is the greatest virtue.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Sabse bada Mukam ...

A poem with a lil usage of urdu in it but i have given meanings of the words in bold hoping tht a reader nt well-versed with urdu would also be able to grasp what is being conveyed..


Hasil thi unki mohabbat, teri rehmat thi Ei-Mushaahit 
{rehmat - blessing,Mushaahit - God }
safar kat raha tha madhoshi mein, aisa tha mera musaahib
{musaahib - companion}

Magar dil mein hazaaroon manziloon ko paane ki thi aarzoo 
{aarzoo - wish,aspiration}
har manzil ho ek naya mukaam beshumaar, aisi thi justajoo
{mukaam - pinnacle,beshumaar - extravagant,justajoo - Desire }

Kashmakash ke bhavar mein ulfat ki kashti thi, 
{Kashmakash - dilemma,bhavar - whirlpool,ulfat - love}
Nakhuda tha main, meri khwahishein bani patvaarein thi... 
{Nakhuda - boatsman, patvaarein - oars}

Garoor, ghamand aur vishwas tha ki akeyle ahle-duniya ko karenge hasil,
bhawar mein dagmagate hue dekha humne sirf unki palkoon mein saahil...
{ahle - whole,palkoon - eyes, saahil - shore}

Aaj main nakhuda hoon magar patvar uski muskaan hai,
uski aaghosh mein guzre zindagi, ye khwahish sabse bada mukaam hai...

Monday, March 09, 2009

A Love's definition

Is there an apropos definition
of what Love means to thee..
can there ever be a classification
of the love you have for others and me ..

It's just simple pulchritudinous emotions
free from logic, intertwined with destinies..
Relationships christen it with appellations
impose constraints, beget us responsibilities..

There is a lot of chaos and confusion,
time wasted in effort to comprehend it's gravity...
take a closer look at the real situation,
Your love is all about what you have for them or me..

My love is not based on a condition,
but neither is it available for free...
No wonder they call it a divine connection,
between them and us, you and me..