change .....

Is it ominous?
something transpired
from the heart to my brains..

what happened ?
the mind transcended
the cusp of ideals and irony

am i lost ?
a travel has engendered
as seasons around seem to love change..

am i in cognizance ??
a dream has shattered
a catharsis of emotions is expected again...

so there is a change ???
a loss has been borne, one that of faith
you may, if you wish, give it an appellation of change...

ek nagma hai gun gunane ko

Ek uljhan hai kehne ko,
sehne ke liye hazaaron mushkileen hain..

Ek zindagi hai jeene ko,
nibhane ke liye hazazroon rishtey hain..

Ek umr ka bhoj hai uthane ko,
bhoj dhaane ke liye hazaaroon lamhe hain..

Ek ulfat ka sahara hai paane ko,
katne ke liye hazaaroon bandishein hain..

Ek sapna hai saakaar banane ko,
todne ke liye hazaaroon aashiyaanein hain..

Ek shayar bekaraar hai mujhmein samane ko,
unsuni karne ke liye hazaaroon ghazalein hain..

Ek shaksiyat ka mukam hai hasil karne ko,
khone ke liye hazaaroon dil ki tamanaayein hain...

Kuch nazmein

mere yaar ne mujhe ek khhitab baksha hai,

meri ulfat ko rusva kare jo, aisa ek khwab dil me paal rkha hai ..

hum to uski chaahat pe mar-mitne ke liye chal pade the ..

usne meri chaahat ko mehez ek alfaaz bana rakha hai

Hum to jungein lad rahe the,

malum na tha dil ki basti peeche ujad rahi thi...

unko chod aaye the mehfooz imaaratoon ke darmiyaan unki khairiyat ki duvaain lekar,

malum chala wo chal diye kuch lamhoon ke baad humein bewafaaii ki duhayen dekar..

Ek ashq aankhoon se chalak na paya tha, sukh gayi thi mann ki aahein dekh kar...

ki mar mitne chale bhi to sirf duhayeen lekar ...

Aaj mann apne jism ki laash pe baith rudaali sa ho gaya hai ..

dard mein sachayi to hai lekin ...afsana jhootha sa ho gaya hai ...

aisi sazzaa kyun bakshi , bata-e-malik.. kyun dhaya aisa sitam..

ki zinda reh ke bhi zindagi se ho rahe rusva hum ....

thaam lene ki karta hoon tujhse guzarish,

ki zor dhuan ban gaya hai aur patvaarein bhi ho chuki hain kahrij..

Not a self-imposed hiatus

I had really been busy and also deprived of net on my laptop for a long time now. However I guess hiatus is not always self-imposed. I apologise to one and all for not having replied to the wonderful comments here and also xpress gratitude for dropping by, even though I have not been able to return the same. Now that I have my net back I promise to make up pretty soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I search thou all my life,

I search thou in happiness and strife..

I search thou through memories, dreams and time

I search thou,with grit and determination sublime...

I search thou whilst I know not what thou,

that I seek in my mind...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Towards a new destiny .

There rises a desire to live today..

it feels like it's gonna be a new day...

Face wet from fresh dew of the lawn..

Venue of battles I fought from dusk to dawn...

I can now feel the sun rising, its shining..

I feel the connection, my living...

It's a new beginning, a new day..

As I gear up for life ahead, making hay...

Some faces were lost in the night..

their memories follow me through the light...

Maybe it's more than faces,more than memories..

maybe it's a part of my life's song, it's melodies...

So, I sing a new song full of life for me..

A tribute to what they shared with me...

So what if what prevailed was destiny ..

I know my tributes shall last for an eternity..

As i rise towards a new destiny .

Is love ever self-less ???

Often we come across people claiming to have done something for the sake of their love. Many claim to have undergone a change or having made a sacrifice etc. for the sake of their love ? I wonder about what they are trying to convey here. I mean what is the emotion behind your act ? A character of selflessness for the sake of the one you love ?? Or for that matter Love ? If either of the above mentioned two is your answer then tell me are you obliging them by being self-less ? If you are and you think you are I would be very suspicious of your "Love" feelings. No offence intended here to anyone.

That stems from me belief that one should always do anything they ever do for their own sake and because THEY WANT TO DO IT. Why ? It is only then that you will not regret having done what ever you did. While absence of regret does not ensure no sorrow or pain, it however does ensure that you have in you the grit to bear all pain and sorrow that come as a direct or indirect consequence of your action. Imagine if the action was undertaken for someone else's sake and you had to bear the brunt.. How would you feel ?

I do not believe love is self-less in fact i feel it is very selfish. We are so greedy of being with the person we love that we go to great extents for them, we make many sacrifices and changes for them so that we can be with them. This is the part of the sentence that people I cited before fail to express or maybe even realise. Do everything for the sake of your loved one because you want to be with them forever and know you did not do it for them but for being with them ie. to say for a desire of your own heart. That should remove any feelings you may have off expecting the other person to return every favour you might have made. That should take care of great expectations people have and the give and take canker that creeps into love and poisons it.

I have been very busy and am in kurnool away from home. Haven't been able to read blogs either. Apologies.

Fear of commitment.. ???

What is this innate need we feel within ourselves to find someone better? From where does it arise? When do we put an end to this feeling? Can we put an end to this feeling? If yes, should it be suppressed or satiated? If satiated, wont we always find someone better than the person we are with? If suppressed, aren't we being dishonest to the person we enter into a commitment with? If both alternatives seem to be taking us down a slippery slope, which one do we choose? Which one is the lesser of two evils? Is there a  non-evil if we don't want to make that choice? 

I may be stepping into shoes much larger than mine here but I think I can fill them or at least hope to. "Fear of commitment". I have so often come across this phrase being used left right and center by people and often find it to be one of the major factors causing people to end what could have been beautiful relationships. A pseudo-fear, i call it. Many have told me that they are happy with their current partner but feel that the more they see the world the better a person they will find for their partner. This belief engenders a certain sense of insecurity within them. By insecurity I mean the lack of confidence in being able to be committed to that one person for their WHOLE LIFE. While the fact that we will find better people the more we tread out in the world, what is false is the fear that because of this we cannot commit to a person.

Without beating around the bush anymore, i will come straight to the point now. We will always, as a matter of a rule without exceptions, find people better than the one we are with, ALWAYS. The point is we don't realise that sometimes you don't need something better even if it exists right in front of your eyes. You just don't need it. Life can be lived in a fleeting moment or through painstaking eons. Discontentment shall make you live eons and contentment a fleeting moment. This does not imply you marry the first person you meet. What it does mean is that if you truly connect with someone and are compatible with them, you should not bring in this FEAR of COMMITMENT as  you feel you can find someone better. The question you should answer really is, "Can I lead a happy and contend life with this person? Can I love him/her all my life for what he/she is?". If you are to further get into the probabilities of that mysterious someone who will be out there somewhere, you shall never stop your quest and hence will be left desolate one day. 

Relationships are Hard. No exceptions there. You have to live them and fulfill them. Successful relationships are blissful and give a sense of fulfillment and at the end of the day, all you will have with you is not a memory of the thorns but the flowers you found. Unsuccessful ones only leave behind scars.It is a small world, but life is even shorter. Live it with a sense of fulfillment instead of a desire to only find the best.Remember, "There is always someone stronger, someone richer, someone brainier, someone more beautiful, someone better than someone else in everything". In profession content is greatest adversary of success; In relationships it is the greatest virtue.

Sabse bada Mukam ...

A poem with a lil usage of urdu in it but i have given meanings of the words in bold hoping tht a reader nt well-versed with urdu would also be able to grasp what is being conveyed..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hasil thi unki mohabbat, teri rehmat thi Ei-Mushaahit 

{rehmat - blessing,Mushaahit - God }

safar kat raha tha madhoshi mein, aisa tha mera musaahib

{musaahib - companion}

Magar dil mein hazaaroon manziloon ko paane ki thi aarzoo 

{aarzoo - wish,aspiration}

har manzil ho ek naya mukaam beshumaar, aisi thi justajoo

{mukaam - pinnacle,beshumaar - extravagant,justajoo - Desire }

Kashmakash ke bhavar mein ulfat ki kashti thi, 

{Kashmakash - dilemma,bhavar - whirlpool,ulfat - love}

Nakhuda tha main, meri khwahishein bani patvaarein thi... 

{Nakhuda - boatsman, patvaarein - oars}

Garoor, ghamand aur vishwas tha ki akeyle ahle-duniya ko karenge hasil,

bhawar mein dagmagate hue dekha humne sirf unki palkoon mein saahil...

{ahle - whole,palkoon - eyes, saahil - shore}

Aaj main nakhuda hoon magar patvar uski muskaan hai,

uski aaghosh mein guzre zindagi, ye khwahish sabse bada mukaam hai...

A Love's definition

Is there an apropos definition
of what Love means to thee..
can there ever be a classification
of the love you have for others and me ..

It's just simple pulchritudinous emotions
free from logic, intertwined with destinies..
Relationships christen it with appellations
impose constraints, beget us responsibilities..

There is a lot of chaos and confusion,
time wasted in effort to comprehend it's gravity...
take a closer look at the real situation,
Your love is all about what you have for them or me..

My love is not based on a condition,
but neither is it available for free...
No wonder they call it a divine connection,
between them and us, you and me..

My life's story he paints..

I hold in my hand a color palette...

lies in front of me a canvas, immaculate.

The colors are still wet, their color still fresh...

Strokes of serenity await,  a soaked brush.

Vivid is the picture, desires engender it's  intensity...

Ambitions render it depth, bring actions profundity.

The search for purpose fuels, casts lights and shades...

Sense of fulfillment completes the portrait, life's image.

The artist in me, for his happiness yearns....

With a brush and palette about colors of joy, he learns.

My head,heart and hands he uses, they despise pains...

Happy moments fill the canvas, my life's story he paints.

Love's dignity

The world may say, "Exaggeration!",

when I say,"I 'll love you forever".

It may brand my love,"desperation!",

When I say,"We'll spend every moment together".

The world will always create aberrations,

On the path of my love for you.

It shall always cast demeaning appellations,

At the pristine bond between me and you.

Today I stand amidst all of them,

Demanding the world to come to face with me.

For our Love's honour and dignity are due,

I will have it from them, even if death come to me...

We are meant to be..

It was a spark, a sudden burst of energy,

showing me a glimpse of my destiny...

It was a sound,an enchanting melody,

ringing in my life,harmony

It was an odour, spreading through the air,

capitivating every breath in me..

It was a touch,an invigorating stimulation,

sending ripples through me...

It was blissful, tons of joys and peace,

Filled my heart's treasury...

It was ephemeral, yet an indelible impression, 

left on my memory...

It was a moment, pristine love engendered,

Indeed in unison, we are meant to be....

My last sight

I saw you cuddled up in the quilt that night,

into the world of dreams you had taken flight.

You seemed to hold the pillow in a tight grip,

countenanced a smile, which lurked on your lips.

Strewn on your face were a few strands of hair,

you seemed to sweat, maybe it was the humid air.

The refulgence of your cheeks; Oh! so bright,

filled the darkness within me with pure light.

I saw your curves, your grace and poise,

as you lay there unaware, spreading joys.

I saw you cuddled up in the quilt that night,

wishing before death do me, that be my last sight

My friend, you shall be ...

How often do friendships go bad because of an argument or disagreement over a point of view ? Over perceptions ? Why is it so important for us that our friends share the same point of view and perceptions as us ? Why is it that we try to own the person we are close with ? Why is it that we cannot live with the fact that our friends may not like everything in us ? Why is it that we expect our friends to endure all of the above ?

Friends have been vital to my existence and struggle. During the course of my life I made only a few of them, each as hard headed and as opinionated as yours truly. Many a times we fought ruthlessly over an issue and a few minutes after that resumed as if nothing happened. We dislike each other for many things yet hang out with each other. Is it desperation ? NO!!

The force has been our ability to understand that we are different individuals with different attributes, strengths and weaknesses. The bonding has existed because we know each one of us will be there for the other come what may. The contentment stems from the fact that we don't hide our feelings and grievances from each other. The assurance from the 'n' instances where they have not hesitated in highlighting their concerns over what I was doing. That has been the essence of my friendship with my friends and i cannot help but not find a single moment of regret with them. Such people will forever be my friends and this my definition of friendship.

When life is beautiful, why do I need a reason to smile ...??

How often have we heard people preaching about how we should take pleasure in the small happinesses we find in life to ensure perennial joy in our life ? Often.Well, I guess I am going to do the same here, but in my own small way.

We often talk about perceptions and how the same action can evoke hundreds of different responses to it. We also go one step ahead and claim that one should be allowed to have his own sweet little perception and not try to impose pur perceptions on them. Right? I have faced many up's in my professional career and many downs in my emotional career. I was so divided between them that I perceived myself to be two different human beings in one body, two minds within a soul. I was so throttled by these two worlds that I began to loose grip over my sanity. Finally I decided to take a break, affect a hiatus on my emotional career and sideline it hoping that time would heal it as they say," Time heals everything". He he. The irony is that they also say ,"God helps those who help themselves" ;).

The only result of my action was a suffocation, a desire to breal free from those strangulating shackles; a desire to dive back into that quick sand. The dive would have only meant more misery. Hence I was left with a choice between suffocation and misery and as would be obvious it was a dilemma. I feel this a dilemma many of us face as things dear to our heart cannot be burried nor can they be simply vented out. We need to come to terms with them, take them along in our stride. Right? I guess I managed to do that by ensuring I amalgammate the two careers of my life and then weigh out the positive incidents with the negative ones. The balance was tilted in favour of the positive ones. The point was that I realised that I cannot have evrything in my life.  You win some, you loose some. This was the realisation that brought me back my sanity and more importantly an understanding of what had been happening in my life. By understanding I mean acceptance.

I guess this is the message I want to convey here. We cannot have evrything in life. It would do us good to juxtapose the good and the bad nad then see the brighter side of our whole life and not deal with it in parts . Like a song which would sound like a cacophony if some tunes in the middle were left out. So, go out there sing the whole song, not just a part of it and the music would only be sweet.

The Reclamation has begun

The pen name of descrying the shadows will forever be dear to me as it shall stand as a hallmark of a phase of my life which showed me the abyss of my weaknesses, the strengths of my charachter, a true picture of what I really am and lessons I shall remember for life..

I start the reclamation with a new blog, a new spirit.. wish me luck